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+--- Thread: GeneL Needs Our Help! (/showthread.php?tid=231141)
Re: GeneL Needs Our Help! - decay - 08-26-2019
I am trying to understand what legal right the daughter has to demand her mother disallow Gene from living there?
Re: GeneL Needs Our Help! - Bernie - 08-26-2019
Janit wrote:
Is the husband still alive?
What is the Daughters sudden interest in Mom and does Dad know what is going on?
Re: GeneL Needs Our Help! - space-time - 08-26-2019
deckeda wrote:
[quote=space-time]
[quote=deckeda]
[quote=GeneL]
Actually I'm not allowed to come back to live....
Actually it's s-t's misunderstanding that "she is not allowed" I responded to.
What misunderstanding???
He is not allowed into the house.
She is not allowed to let him live there.
Those two sentences are pretty much equivalent.
Please clarify what was Wholly incorrect.
Thanks
Mavis owns the place/pays the rent/whatever. It's HER decision (although likely coerced) not to allow Gene to live there. That's what started this thread.
True. Still not sure what prompted your reaction.
Re: GeneL Needs Our Help! - Sarcany - 08-26-2019
If this is fundamentally about control of a trust, Mavis is very much in need of an attorney.
It may be that she can bring an impartial 3rd party into the trust while she retains her competency.
Maybe share the trust jointly with the 3rd party and modify the means of passing control to eliminate the possibility of the child/children taking control of it if she's declared incompetent.
This is a "get your butt moving on it" situation if her daughter has already taken such substantial steps to take control.
Re: GeneL Needs Our Help! - GeneL - 08-26-2019
Believe me Sarcany, that is exactly how I see it, but Mavis has refused to do anything to protect herself.
She has a picture of her daughter being triggered into her taking over if Mavis would do anything aggressive to offend or limit her daughter.
Re: GeneL Needs Our Help! - Markintosh - 08-26-2019
My "never actually married to my mother" stepfather had a stroke at 82. His nieces immediate had him declared incompetent and took control of his trust and left him to die in a convalescent home. Fortunately my mother and I had been assigned as in charge of medical care decisions. We were able to get him into appropriate treatment, where he immediately was deemed capable of making decisions, and took the control of the trust. Under my mothers care he lived another 6 happy years.
Mavis should take action immediately!
Re: GeneL Needs Our Help! - GeneL - 08-26-2019
Wow, Markintosh!
I just would be so happy if a story like yours could motivate Mavis.
Unfortunately, at any mention of some kind of action, Mavis becomes hysterical. She is just so fearful of her daughter.
Re: GeneL Needs Our Help! - deckeda - 08-26-2019
space-time wrote:
[quote=deckeda]
[quote=space-time]
[quote=deckeda]
[quote=GeneL]
Actually I'm not allowed to come back to live....
Actually it's s-t's misunderstanding that "she is not allowed" I responded to.
What misunderstanding???
He is not allowed into the house.
She is not allowed to let him live there.
Those two sentences are pretty much equivalent.
Please clarify what was Wholly incorrect.
Thanks
Mavis owns the place/pays the rent/whatever. It's HER decision (although likely coerced) not to allow Gene to live there. That's what started this thread.
True. Still not sure what prompted your reaction.
My objection is to the claim or belief that Mavis is being kept from making her own decisions. Unless there’s a legal reason here, she remains free to do so. She is “allowed” to do anything she pleases.
Re: GeneL Needs Our Help! - Janit - 08-26-2019
GeneL wrote:
Wow, Markintosh!
I just would be so happy if a story like yours could motivate Mavis.
Unfortunately, at any mention of some kind of action, Mavis becomes hysterical. She is just so fearful of her daughter.
Do you know anything about the details of the trust? Are there papers in the house about the trust? Does Mavis have a medical Proxy? Would she be willing to make you medical proxy? If she does, that would go a long way to protect her from her daughter.
You need to be calm when you talk to her about this -- very difficult, I know, given your own situation, but arguing will just upset her more. Reach into yourself for calmness, and for your most logical and kind self.
Recalibrate and start small. Better to say to her she is right to worry about what her daughter will do. That's why it's a good idea to talk to a lawyer just to get information to understand the situation. She doesn't need to tell her daughter she is talking to a lawyer. After talking to a lawyer, it will become more clear what is the wisest way to address her daughter's behavior. She is not required to take the lawyer's advice, but she can listen and then decide for herself.
You need to push without pushing.
It seems very much like the daughter wants you out of the house so that you are not there to interfere with her plan to take over the trust.
Re: GeneL Needs Our Help! - Diana - 08-26-2019
Gene,
A few questions/things to think about:
As Sarcany and others ask: Who controls the trust? Alternatively, HOW is control of the trust set up? Additionally, how is the trust itself set up?
If the daughter has control, then she has control over who lives on the trust (obviously). She has no control over who her mother sees, and she can enforce whatever she thinks she can get away with. In this scenario, I would think that Mavis could live on the trust to the end of her days, and there is very little you can do here. I don't think this scenario is entirely true; I don't think the daughter has control of the trust..
HOWEVER, if it is the husband/Mavis, then Sarcany is one-hundred percent correct here. The daughter appears to be trying to have Mavis declared incompetent, and thus the daughter would get control of the money. If Mavis controls the monies, then she can tell the daughter to *stuff it*. If you are a "kept man" and your expenses are coming from Mavis' portion of the trust, then again, she can tell the daughter to *stuff it*. If the remainder of the monies and properties are what actually is the "trust" after Mavis dies, then yes, I can see the daughter trying to shove you out the door, and thereby keeping as much money as possible.
a. From the prior discussion, the husband is not even in the picture! As Janit asked: Is he alive, is he competent, does he even know what is going on? A discussion with HIM about how this is affecting Mavis (not necessarily about how you are affected) would be in order. If he cares, he would step in and put a stop to this. If he is incompetent for whatever reason (dementia, Alzheimer's, etc), then someone else (probably you) will need to step in. The lack of mention of the father/husband's opinion leads me to think that he may be unfortunately incompetent, since the daughter would assume control of the trust if Mavis is found incompetent.
b. What's the all-fired big hurry? After all, how much longer can one reasonably expect an 88 year old person to live (sorry about how this sounds
) and the daughter can *cough-cough* *freaking* wait!!c. Is the house a part of the trust? If Mavis owns the place and it is not a part of the trust, then the daughter has no say over who Mavis allows to live with her. If Mavis is paying your health bills, then the daughter's complaints about you fall right in line with the other things we know. If Mavis is NOT paying your health bills, then daughter has no say. Again, this depends on how the trust is set up. As Janit said: "The structure of the trust will indicate whether there is anything to fear regarding the daughter."
Now, this is my advice (for what it is worth):
This is bigger than you alone; you can find a place to live for a short time, and if Precious needs to stay with Mavis during this time, then so be it. After all, Mavis *might* need a support animal. You can always periodically (daily?) come back and see her, take care of her, and play with her. The bird, silly! You can always say that the place where you live will not allow you to keep pets, and as long as Mavis agrees to the arrangement, your periodic visits make sense to anyone who asks, particularly if you tell them that the place you are at is only temporary, and you are looking for someplace for both you and Precious. This will keep the daughter from freaking out, or at least it should.
Mavis needs help. If her husband cannot or will not help her, then it is up to you. Find the lawyer who set up the trust, or if that person cannot be found, then find her a lawyer who specializes in trusts. If she won't go see him because she is afraid of the daughter, then set up a meeting with him at whatever place he is willing to meet with Mavis. She doesn't have to meet in the lawyer's office, and the daughter does not have to know anything about it, especially if this is a "what rights do I have" kind of thing. This is easier done without the daughter's knowledge than you may think. And yes, Mavis needs to talk to him because this fight is all about Mavis, her daughter, and the trust. For the lawyer to speak to you concerning anything about his client, the client (Mavis) will have to explicitly tell him that he has permission. If Mavis tells him that she doesn't want him to even acknowledge that he's Mavis' attorney if the daughter asks, then he won't.
Do you know anyone who works in the field of law? Do you know anyone who works in a company that may have need of a lawyer, and thus may have a lawyer on staff or on retainer? DOES ANYONE HERE KNOW A LAWYER OR CAN CONTACT SOMEONE IN CALIFORNIA TO GET THE BALL ROLLING??? (sorry to yell). Referrals are a good thing, and if you need multiple referrals to finally get someone who will take this on, then again, so be it. Short story: my mom needed a lawyer to deal with the results of a car wreck when she was a passenger. The person at fault had insurance and took blame for the accident, but their insurance company did not want to pay her bills, and kept stalling. I talked to the corporate lawyer at work, explained that I know this isn't his area of specialty, but if he could refer me to someone I would be grateful. That referral sent me to another referral, and now Mom has a lawyer, and we haven't heard anything more from the bill collectors.
Help Mavis. Help her help herself. As Sarcany said, this is a "get your butt moving on it" situation. The longer it takes, the harder it will be to get her the help she needs. The daughter is a bully, and has her mother so frightened of what the future will hold for her that she has effectively shut her mother down. Help Mavis to fight back, and sometimes that means that you may do something that the person you love most may hate you for it, but it is the right thing to do. Be strong, Gene. Mavis needs you.
Diana
PS. If any language I have used upsets anyone, I apologize, but bullying helpless individuals really pisses me off.