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+--- Thread: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story (/showthread.php?tid=229913)
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Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story - pRICE cUBE - 06-28-2019
Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story - testcase - 06-28-2019
We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon
Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story - timg - 06-28-2019
A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane. He Turned to her and said,
"Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger,
"What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman.
"How about global warming, universal health care or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topices, but let me ask you a questions first."
"A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet, a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps."
"Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says,
"Hmm, I have noidea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care or the economy when you don't know crap?"
Then she went back to reading her book.
Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story - lost in space - 06-28-2019
Russian Spec Forces in action
yout.ube
Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story - timg - 06-28-2019
Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story - timg - 06-28-2019
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story - pRICE cUBE - 06-28-2019
Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story - timg - 06-28-2019
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story - Rick-o - 06-28-2019
Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story - Rick-o - 06-28-2019
This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...
He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?"
The bartender replies, "It's a moose."
The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"