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+--- Thread: For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date (/showthread.php?tid=8930)
For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date - dmann - 04-07-2006
We had a nice dinner at a good restaurant that was new to both of us. The place was BYOB so I brought a couple bottles of wine and he bought dinner.
No love connection but certainly nice enough to talk to for a few hours. There were a couple little social graces he dropped the ball on (hailed a cab, opened the door and jumped in before me, I was carrying the wine and he never offered to take the bag from me, didn't pour wine for me when he poured for himself or when my glass was empty) but certainly no major faux pas that made me want to bolt for the door.
It was a good 1st date to push me back into the dating scene so it definitely served its intended purpose!
DM
Re: For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date - rgG - 04-07-2006
Hey great to hear it was not a "date from hell". On to the next one!
Re: For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date - Paul F. - 04-07-2006
Great news!
(note to self... remember to open doors.. carry wine... hold the cab door for the lady first..... Hey, I"m as out of practice as you are!)
Re: For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date - JoeBob - 04-07-2006
Great to hear that it was a positive experience.
Now, go for the next one-
(I do open/hold doors, ask my GF)
Re: For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date - PeterB - 04-07-2006
dmann, glad to hear it went well.
Just curious, why was it not a love connection? I'm curious about this, because my female friends have told me that, within 10 seconds of seeing/meeting a guy, they've already decided whether or not they'll sleep with him.
I'm assuming that the social faux pas's you've mentioned were not the reason-- they seem VERY minor to me, the kind of things that women might notice but most men won't, and therefore shouldn't be held against them (nice if the guy does do it, though). As was said in one of the previous posts: forget about "The Rules"-- just garbage. Would you want to toss the love of your life because he forgot to hold the door open for you? etc.
Re: For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date - michaelb - 04-07-2006
As a guy, I am not sure guys understand the rules of social niceties, plus, things have changed. It has been over 10 years since I have had a first date.
"hailed a cab, opened the door and jumped in before me"
Opening the door for you would have seemed old fashion and weird maybe. Climbing in first to a cab means crawling across the backseat right? Maybe he consciously or unconsciously thought he was doing you a favor.
"I was carrying the wine and he never offered to take the bag from me"
I hate carrying things and he was probably nervous. One of the remaining gender splits in this world is that women carry things and men don't.
"didn't pour wine for me when he poured for himself or when my glass was empty"
Offering you wine would have been nice, but again, he might have been avoiding any appearance that he was trying to get your drunk. People used to drink so much more and would always finish their drink and even the bottle of wine. These days, many people drink much less, and will leave wine in the bottle, etc. He doesn't know anything about your drinking habbits and doesn't want to jump to conclusions.
Re: For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date - GeneL - 04-07-2006
SWSWSWN!
(some will, some won't, so what, next!)
Go get em girl
…and Paul, don't forget to add: pour the wine for the lady.
As I always say, "that's just my opinion, I could be wrong."
Re: For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date - JoeM - 04-07-2006
My good friend had a simple, great saying to live by when it comes to relationships/dating/love:
"The next one will be better."
Life is good, enjoy.
Re: For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date - PeterB - 04-07-2006
I think one thing michaelb might be trying to point out is that the "social niceties" are sort of a rocky road (impossible to win) for most men. Do you hold open the door? Is that sexist? Is it offensive if you don't? etc. There are lots of problems with these things, and arguments could be made either way for what "should" be done, or what certain behaviors mean, as michaelb suggested.
These things are also complicated by the situational context-- for example, in some parts of Europe, it is considered rude if a man does not enter first in a restaurant-- the argument being that he is "checking it out" to make sure it's safe for the woman (obviously, this has as its roots, a fairly sexist presumption)... in this country, if a guy insisted on doing that, he might be viewed as a control freak or macho-jerk. Or forget about other countries-- how about if it's raining outside, should a man not let a woman go first, open the door for herself, and get in, since you'd be in a rush to get out of the rain? You get my point.
So... my view on such things is-- forget about them. What will matter in the end is if someone is a kind person, and do they mean well, not whether they remember which fork is used for what at dinner.
Re: For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date - raz - 04-07-2006
> For those with inquiring minds
I prefer the term 'nebby', and yes we are.
Good to hear it wasn't a disaster. Hang in there.