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I met a woman over the phone and told her that her late father was my mentor. It felt awkward because I felt like it was a one-sided deal - he was a prominent businessman and may not have even remembered me years later. What are the official rules on this?
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It means he was doing his job and sharing his knowledge and kindness without giving any thought to what he was getting back. There are no rules that I can think of.
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Rules on what, specifically?
To me, it depends on the purpose of your or her call. If it was a chance discovery that you knew her father, I don't think there's anything wrong in mentioning how you felt.
It's a compliment, and if she had no ill will towards him it would probably bring up fond memories of Dad, and appreciate your sincere thoughts.
If you somehow came off as sleazy, then it *might* be perceived as a "line" or otherwise self-serving.
And yes, I think many mentors have never really realized how much they've helped/mentored somebody, nor thought of themselves in that high regard.
It's always nice to know you're made a positive difference in somebody's life, even if you don't recall the person or details.
It may have felt awkward for you, but it was a damn nice thing to say, regardless.
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I had a High School Art teacher who was a mentor to me. I was smug. Feigned disinterest. Did as little as possible to get by in class. He saw right through it. Kicked me in the pants. And jump started my pursuit of a career in the creative field.
Mr. Egan, if you're reading this. Thanks.
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But Mentos are always the fresh mint.
But some people are just kind and giving people, who like to give back to their community.
As an example, my portrait and business management instructor while I was studying photography Is Seattle's most prominent portraitist. He is 4th generation, and has photographed every president since Ike for example. (he is about 80 now) He is a good friend of the head instructor, and he enjoys teaching and mentoring the students. Lord knows he doesn't need the money he gets as a part time community college instructor. He does it out of love for the craft, and for the sheer enjoyment of working with young hopefull photographers. And a few of us have done very well because of the help, and most importantly, the attitude he imparted into us that we are in business first, and photographers second.
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Usually not until you tell them, unless it's a work assignment kind of thing (Obi Wan, here is your Paduan Learner, Anakin . Teach him well the ways of the Force !).
There's usually that *one* magic high school teacher or college professor or co-worker or something that inspires you. I made sure I looked mine up and thanked him personally as my career was taking off. (I didn't thank him after it crashed, but it wasn't his fault the Rooskies gave up the Cold War game).
If this was a courtesy call after an obituary, i'm sure it was appreciated. And it's a good bet she had no idea who you were. My dad was a college professor, and the students he usually mentioned to us were the 'don't be like this person' cases. He did, however, bring the ones he really liked home for dinner now and then.