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when to discuss race with your child
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11-30-2009, 01:08 AM
Our girl is 30 months old and we never really discussed race with her... thinking she was too young. But we had a little incident today that made us think perhaps we should try to bring it up somehow. Just not sure how or even if she would understand.
11-30-2009, 01:09 AM
I start when the child is ready...just tell her the standard usual, you can't judge a book by it's cover. She'll say, huh? Then you an begin the long answer....
11-30-2009, 01:09 AM
Damn, no popcorn in the house . . .
11-30-2009, 01:11 AM
People are different. It is a strength not a weakness.
She'll get it.
11-30-2009, 01:26 AM
At two and a half, I would think there's not much she's going to really absorb about "race". 'People' she'll get, so the 'book by its cover' approach seems like the way to go. Unless it was a really serious occurrence and/or she was somehow pretty directly involved, I have to wonder how much of an impression it will make on her at that age.
It kind of sounds like one of those not so easy situations where the tricky part will be gauging how important it was to the child without mixing in our own anxiety about it as adults. Good luck.
11-30-2009, 01:28 AM
good topic, we were wondering the same thing about 2 years ago when we had a little incident between kids. Also, when it is time to discuss DEATH with children? About 18 months ago my son (2 1/2 at that time) saw a dead bird and he said: "oops, the battery is empty". I managed not to laugh, but I did laugh when I got home and told wife (and he was not around to hear). We have been discussing the death issue on and off, but it's difficult.
11-30-2009, 01:33 AM
I guess I'm a little unclear on the question. It seems to me that discussing race in general is something to bring up as soon as the kid is able to determine that people look and talk differently. However, since you mention an "incident" I think perhaps you are asking more about discussing racism/ignorance than race. I'd say that is something that should be discussed before your kid encounters any such incidents so that he/she will have a way to judge/understand what it is about. Given that the degree of overt racism varies significantly from region to region around the country I'd say that the area you live in makes a big difference in how you prepare your child to deal with racists.
My personal feeling about when to discuss death is as early as possible and to present it simply and matter of factly. I think it does a terrible disservice to kids to hide this inevitable part of life, especially in cases where a relative, friend or pet dies when the kid is unprepared.
11-30-2009, 01:43 AM
my oldest is 5, no discussion about race yet at all -- it just hasnt come up?
11-30-2009, 02:07 AM
ok. this is what happened. My wife and daughter were at the grocery store and went to the bakery to get her a cookie. As the lady (an african american woman) walked away, my daughter said "thats a black one". Now if an adult said that it would be mightily offensive. But she was just stating a fact. She would have said, "thats a blue one" with the same amount of innocence had the person been blue. But we realized that she can't go around saying that b/c it may be hurtful regardless of her age. But i just don't know how to explain that to a 2 1/2 year old so she can grasp it. All her little friends are caucasian so she was just pointing out a difference in her mind (I suppose).
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