08-13-2006, 02:09 AM
I could use some opinions, suggestions and/or feedback...
my parents are in their mid-seventies. there have been some ongoing health concerns with my Dad (he is having his 4th surgery in 3 months this week - it's more or less indicative that his body is getting old and parts wear out). while I have several siblings, there is only one sibling besides myself that is capable of setting emotions aside to deal with the reality of the situation as a whole. what I mean by that is, my Mom is having a hard time - I don't want to cross any lines with her in the way of respect or get enmeshed with my folks, but I do want communications to remain open so that my brother and I can do our best to make sure that our parents' needs are met; I have communicated just that to my Mom. my brother and I have talked about discussing things like what my parents want in the event that one or both of them dies or becomes incapacitated - neither of us know. we know that there is a will. I have heard that a living trust is better. I am more concerned about knowing what they want in case they cannot communicate effectively at the time due to illness, grief, ... I don't know that this is even something that is appropriate for us to approach them about, but their health issues are more of an imminent inevitability now than before. and I am pretty sure that if my Dad dies before my Mom, it is going to be a very traumatic thing for her. I think that if we had some process in mind, it would make it easier for her ...
has anyone here had to deal with such a thing? if so, is this something to discuss with them or leave alone? if it is something to discuss, any recommendations as to where to look for advice to do so?
I appreciate your listening - thanks!
shiva
my parents are in their mid-seventies. there have been some ongoing health concerns with my Dad (he is having his 4th surgery in 3 months this week - it's more or less indicative that his body is getting old and parts wear out). while I have several siblings, there is only one sibling besides myself that is capable of setting emotions aside to deal with the reality of the situation as a whole. what I mean by that is, my Mom is having a hard time - I don't want to cross any lines with her in the way of respect or get enmeshed with my folks, but I do want communications to remain open so that my brother and I can do our best to make sure that our parents' needs are met; I have communicated just that to my Mom. my brother and I have talked about discussing things like what my parents want in the event that one or both of them dies or becomes incapacitated - neither of us know. we know that there is a will. I have heard that a living trust is better. I am more concerned about knowing what they want in case they cannot communicate effectively at the time due to illness, grief, ... I don't know that this is even something that is appropriate for us to approach them about, but their health issues are more of an imminent inevitability now than before. and I am pretty sure that if my Dad dies before my Mom, it is going to be a very traumatic thing for her. I think that if we had some process in mind, it would make it easier for her ...
has anyone here had to deal with such a thing? if so, is this something to discuss with them or leave alone? if it is something to discuss, any recommendations as to where to look for advice to do so?
I appreciate your listening - thanks!
shiva