06-29-2018, 05:14 PM
Definition of an Irish husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man
who does.
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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
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The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often
among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy
opponent.
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An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an
Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
---------------------------- ---------------------------------
Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.
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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out
and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
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Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
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Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in
the vase on the mantle piece?"
"No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
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Q What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.
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Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up til two o'clock
in the morning. I can't break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said.
"Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
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"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve
your wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
-------------------------------------------------------------
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your
sex life, and then having people come in once a week to tell you the
details and highlights of theirs?
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man
who does.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
------------------------------------------------------------
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often
among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy
opponent.
------------------------------------------------------------
An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an
Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
---------------------------- ---------------------------------
Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out
and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in
the vase on the mantle piece?"
"No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.
------------- ------------------------------------------------
Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up til two o'clock
in the morning. I can't break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said.
"Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
-------------------------------------------------------------
"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve
your wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
-------------------------------------------------------------
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your
sex life, and then having people come in once a week to tell you the
details and highlights of theirs?