04-04-2021, 06:25 PM
My inlaws are getting to the point that they need more help. They live in an independent living retirement community and the time isn't far off when they'll need to move to the assisted living portion of the same facility.
My father in law is doing pretty well but he's lost a fair amount of mental sharpness in the past year or so. Small yet important deals that he would have held firm in the past now slip by. A couple of his siblings eventually died from alzheimer's disease. He knows he should get tested but essentially refuses. We suspect he doesn't want to know the result of the test. Generally speaking, he's reluctant to accept help, seems to proud to admit his limitations even when they're obvious.
My mother in law is in the early stages of kidney failure and has been placed on an array of medications but its impossible to tell if she's taking taking any of it correctly. She regularly cancels home health aide visits for reasons that either insufficient or nonsensical. My sister in law is attempting to manage the situation but its difficult to do in addition to a full work schedule. My father in law at some level is incapable of improving the situation.
This is all to say that they're likely ready to move to the assisted living portion of their retirement community. It would be a physical move in addition to an admission of their declining abilities. They may disagree that they're ready for this but it seems clear that either they can do it sooner and on their terms or later when they're somehow forced.
We're going to visit in a couple of weeks. We're very glad we'll be fully vaccinated by this point. That said, it seems my wife will need to take this as an opportunity to talk to her father and discuss how we see the situation. I guess she'll need to talk to her mother as well but thats a secondary concern for reasons that are both present and historical.
Any advice on how to prepare for such a conversation?
I know a lot of people have been through this so I'm hoping there's some good reading on the topic. It would also be good for us to familiarize ourselves with the details of what this transition would be like.
My father in law is doing pretty well but he's lost a fair amount of mental sharpness in the past year or so. Small yet important deals that he would have held firm in the past now slip by. A couple of his siblings eventually died from alzheimer's disease. He knows he should get tested but essentially refuses. We suspect he doesn't want to know the result of the test. Generally speaking, he's reluctant to accept help, seems to proud to admit his limitations even when they're obvious.
My mother in law is in the early stages of kidney failure and has been placed on an array of medications but its impossible to tell if she's taking taking any of it correctly. She regularly cancels home health aide visits for reasons that either insufficient or nonsensical. My sister in law is attempting to manage the situation but its difficult to do in addition to a full work schedule. My father in law at some level is incapable of improving the situation.
This is all to say that they're likely ready to move to the assisted living portion of their retirement community. It would be a physical move in addition to an admission of their declining abilities. They may disagree that they're ready for this but it seems clear that either they can do it sooner and on their terms or later when they're somehow forced.
We're going to visit in a couple of weeks. We're very glad we'll be fully vaccinated by this point. That said, it seems my wife will need to take this as an opportunity to talk to her father and discuss how we see the situation. I guess she'll need to talk to her mother as well but thats a secondary concern for reasons that are both present and historical.
Any advice on how to prepare for such a conversation?
I know a lot of people have been through this so I'm hoping there's some good reading on the topic. It would also be good for us to familiarize ourselves with the details of what this transition would be like.