08-01-2009, 10:41 PM
RAMd®d wrote:
Most of us who treat each other humanly recognize that some things are just as they appear.
And appearances aren't always what they seem.
What I'm wondering is what are the factors here that tell you that tell you- "humiliating and demeaning"? What facial characteristics and/or body language tell you this?
You may feel humiliated and demeaned. You may feel humiliated and demeaned for the child. You may feel sorry for him. But is the child humiliated and demeaned if he's enjoying being towed? Is he competent enough to feel humiliation even though he may not be able to define it? What evidence is provided of humiliation and demeaning behavior? I don't see it.
From the video I don't see him smiling or hear him laughing. Neither do I see him kicking or hear him screaming. From the video, would it be a given that we could differentiate between him crying or laughing? HD video might have helped. Audio might have provided a further clue. He might be dead, except that we know from subsequent text that he's not. And that he's holding one leg slightly raised.
How 'bout Mom? Do we even know that it's his mom, big sister, and not some crazed nanny or stranger abducting this child? Is she smiling or scowling? Did she smack the boy and give him a beatdown before dragging him off? Is she going to dust the boy off when they get outside and put him in the car seat or is she going to toss him in the trunk until she can get home and lock him in the attic? As near as I can tell, her demeanor appears pretty neutral, as does that of the child.
One may read into it what they want, I suppose. Some people may even be predisposed to read cruelty, humiliation, poor parenting, and demeaning behavior. Based on what's shown, I say that's a reach, a stretch, a guess. Now one may guess correctly. But then that's just a matter of or desire to be "right" rather than objective.
If I were to leap to a conclusion without considering indications or facts, or leaned toward sarcasm, I would say that you're projecting.
The fact is the video, such as it is, is just what it is. A kid being pulled by an adult.
Another fact- a lot of people are nothing if not judgmental.
All that wordage and you didn't address the issue. Under what circumstances is this acceptable? I can think of none. I wouldn't "pull" my child this way even if he did think it was fun. Children think lots of things are fun. Do we allow them to do them all? Climbing on the counters? sticking a fork in a wall socket? jumping from the couch to the coffee table? Admittedly, these are things children might do for themselves and not have imposed on them by an adult, but the point remains. Parents have a responsibility to monitor this behavior and more importantly, their own. How many parents do you know who you feel are not doing what's best for their children? Who you judge? Or are you truly so free of judgment that you're free to call me judgmental? Call me judgmental if you wish - maybe I am - so be it.
If I were to see this occurring, you can bet I would approach the parent - and have been known to strike up a supportive conversation with parents in grocery stores, parks, airports who were (appeared to be) frustrated with their children. Parenting is the toughest job in the world (for some of us) and maybe if we were all a little more responsible and empathetic with these parents, there would be less abuse. Have I jumped to conclusions? Of course. If that's you're issue, I concede. As should you - you seem to think you know my mind pretty well given a sentence or two.
In my (ever so humble) opinion, this parent needs some basic skills training. Does she need to have her child removed? Who knows. From the little snippet offered, I certainly wouldn't presume such a thing. But I do maintain that her behavior, regardless of the circumstance, is not acceptable either as discipline or fun. OK - maybe if the building were on fire and she were dragging him to safety.
I would appreciate it if the personal attacks and innuendo were left out of this conversation.