My Mom

[Kraniac]

I want to thank you folks who have chimed in on my queries for health care info over the last year or more (less?). Many of your comments became useful to our family as we navigated the unknowns of trying to keep our Mom at home during the end of her life..we did it to the very end.

Lost my Mom on Thursday at 12:37 am in a Hospice facility associated with RUSH hospital. It was a sad but incredibly beautiful night where got to spend 3 hours with her after she passed away..made possible by the idea of Hospice care.

After a brutal 2 months where my Mom was being bounced from place to place due to circumstances which I will not go into but were beyond our control she ended up in the Hospice facility at Rush and found immediate peace. She excersised her free will all through this process through a haze of dementia this woman knew what she wanted and what she didn't want. I was blown away by her at every step.

I'm writing this to raise up the Hospice system. These people were amazing, every single one of them. It gave us strength, perspective and an understanding of the dying process. My Mom was comfortable, responsive and at peace through this. This was the most important series of moments in my life, flat out. I'm better for it and certainly my Mom is too..it immediately restored the dignity and grace that she has displayed throughout her entire life..

Though, she never lost those attributes during the most grueling parts of this deal, the hospital tours

..She ripped out three feeding tubes and a whole series of IV's, not to mention the bit's of tape that were tugging at her tracing paper skin.

After the last "procedure", She grabbed my hands and pulled me close and yelled..yelled "get all this $hit OFF OF ME!!"...and through a glaze of tears and laughter I helped her remove everything..When we were done? A scheduled blood draw came into the room and when the blood person grabbed her hand she yanked it away from her..I put a stop on it and went to the Nurse's station and told them to cease with the blood draws..My Mom was at 83 lbs..her normal weight was around 135. There is a time to cut the crap and my Mom called it. I could see an immediate difference in her attitude after this.

She was in Hospice a couple of days later..As the morphine and haldol helped to alleviate her body stress..that energy devoted to stress was re-realized in a productive force and her body healed the bruises that were all over her arms and body..In three days her skin was becoming normal..even glowing..by the time she passed away she was settled and beautiful.

Peace in a crazy fuckin world, people.

[OWC Jamie]

I'm a firm believer when they are telling you let me go
you let them go

[MacArtist]

Thanks for sharing this Kraniac. Your mom found peace and dignity before she passed.

[cbelt3]

Kraniac- Our condolences for your loss, and another vote for Hospice people and the wonderful care they provide. They allow the person (not 'patient') to die at their own terms with their dignity intact. They were so wonderful for my mother in law's final week, and they took such wonderful care of our family as well. After that experience, my wife started her 8 year career in Assisted Living, and was able to use what she learned from the Hospice team to give the same loving care to over a hundred people who died in her presence (and often in her arms) and to their families.

[Carnos Jax]

Kraniac, thank you for your post. It was thoughtful and informative. Peace to you and your family.

[Buzz]

Our condolences for your loss, but very glad your mom got to pretty much go out on her own terms. Hospice earns its stripes more often than not.
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[deckeda]

Sorry for your loss. I know you will feel a calm soon you didn't expect. And I know exactly what you went through; my mom was a different person (not good) in the hospital and we were sometimes conflicted as to how to act/react for her care. The same thing had happened a few years earlier at her initial hospital stay. You'd think you'd always know what to do and why but there's no guarantee. That person you thought you knew isn't there right then but it's not their fault, the situation is nearly impossible.

Her last 2 months were miserable in and out of the hospital but we and she stayed with it so that we would know what was happening. When her main doc said everything had been tried we knew it was over and hospice at home was offered. It was mid December '13 and it gave her one last Christmas at home with family. My mom also found peace at the end with hospice care. I can't say enough good things about the experience and the people. PM me if you want to talk.

[wave rider]

Thanks for the post, condolences for your loss.

=wr=

[blooz]

Thanks for writing this about hospice. I'm glad your Mom went in the way she wanted, and you and your family have my sympathy.

[Ombligo]

I hope I can go with such dignity (and if I can't have dignity, it better be because of hookers and beer!)

But in all seriousness, my deepest condolences on your loss.