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The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
"I've never been better!" he replies.
"I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun."
"So, he's in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him."
"That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear."
"Exactly."
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the 80 year old went to his Doctor and tells the Doc he needs a lot of V iagra for the weekend.
the Doctor asks "what is going on?"
the 80 yr old replies that his girlfriend is coming over Friday night, and his ex-wife is coming Saturday night, and his ex-girlfriend is coming over Sunday night.
Doctor says "with all that V iagra, i must see you Monday for a checkup" Monday afternoon the man is in the Doctors office with his arm in a sling.
"What happened to you?" Doctor asks.
the 80 yr old replied "  no one showed up "
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An 80 years old man is marrying an 18 year old. His doctor, who is also his best man, takes him aside at the wedding. The doc cautions the groom, pointing out that with such an age difference, taking it easy on the wedding night is strongly advised, lest injury or even worse may result. The old man laughs and says, "Doc, I've always been a realist. If she dies, she dies."
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Just in case there's still a human on earth that hasn't heard this one:
An 80 year old guy goes to the doctor with his wife. The doctor looks serious, and asks to talk to the wife alone. When he steps out, the doctor tells the wife "I have bad news. You husband has a fatal disease. The only hope of arresting its progress is for you to have sex with your husband every day"
The woman stares ahead and nods, gravely.
"Do you understand? If he doesn't have sex every day, he will die."
She nods again, and leaves the room. The husband rushes over and asks her "Tell me -what did the doctor say?"
She says "He says you're gonna die."
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Thank you, I needed those this afternoon.
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Ombligo wrote: Thank you, I needed those this afternoon.
Tough being 80, isn't it?
 miley-music039:
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Heh...
I'm reminded of this story from my Uncle, who was with my grandfather when he went in for a checkup at age 90. The doctor told him his PSA was elevated. He asked the doctor what it meant.
"Well, you will probably develop prostate cancer in 10 years."
My grandfather said "Thank you !". They laughed.
Grandpa died at 94, and was still dancing his patented irish jig until a few months before he shuffled off this mortal coil.
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An 80 year old guy and his wife went to the doctor. The husband was hard of hearing so the wife has to yell at him what the doctor is saying.
Doctor: Given your age, you are doing pretty well.
Husband: What did he say?
Wife: He says you are doing OK.
Husband: Oh, OK.
Doctor: But I still want to run some tests?
Husband: What did he say?
Wife: He says he is going to run some tests!
Husband: Oh, OK.
Doctor: We will need to take your blood pressure.
Husband: What did he say?
Wife: He says they are going to check your blood pressure!
Husband: Oh, OK.
Doctor: And we'll also need to get a sample of your blood.
Husband: What did he say?
Wife: He said they are going to take some blood!
Husband: Oh, OK.
Doctor: And we'll also need to get a stool and urine sample.
Husband: What did he say?
Wife: He said you need to leave your shorts!
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Ha! Funny, but I heard a different joke with the same punchline. Something about two guys out in the wilderness, one gets bit on his penis by a poisonous snake while relieving himself. The buddy races to the nearest town to get help, and the Doc tells him his only chance is to suck out the poison.
pdq wrote:
Just in case there's still a human on earth that hasn't heard this one:
An 80 year old guy goes to the doctor with his wife. The doctor looks serious, and asks to talk to the wife alone. When he steps out, the doctor tells the wife "I have bad news. You husband has a fatal disease. The only hope of arresting its progress is for you to have sex with your husband every day"
The woman stares ahead and nods, gravely.
"Do you understand? If he doesn't have sex every day, he will die."
She nods again, and leaves the room. The husband rushes over and asks her "Tell me -what did the doctor say?"
She says "He says you're gonna die."
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Sophie says to her husband, Max: "Max, you're 65 now. You better go down Social Security and file for the benfits. There's only one problem: I can't find your birth certificate".
"Don't worry, Sophie, I 'll go down there anyway and take care if it", says Max.
A few hours later, Max comes back and says: "Well, Sophie, I took care of it and got mine benefits".
"But, how, Max. You couldn't prove you is 65", says Sophie
"Well" says Max, "I got down there and took off mine shirt. I says, look and this wrinkled, sagging skin. Look and this old arched back. Look, I can hardly walk. They considered all that and gave me mine benefits."
Sophie says:"Too bad you didn't take off your pants, Max. You could have gotten disability also."
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