When "friends" split a check, advice needed on getting them to fair share

[DinerDave]

Everyone likes to get together with friends and relax, eat, and socialize. I, by choice do not drink alcohol, instead usually getting a diet coke or a coffee. When a check is split amongst the table, I usually end up paying more than my share.
Example, the girls were having a girl's weekend, off looking at Christmas bazars, decorations, etc. Glad I wasn't there. So, us boys got together at a local wing joint/pub, and had our own fun. The four of us all split a huge nacho appetizer, and all got similarly priced entrees. I don't mind throwing in my fair share of a bill, but when we "split it four ways", and all I drank was a soda with refills, while one had 3 beers at $3.50 each and the other two had At least two $7 drinks apiece.
I may be "frugal", but it irks me that I'm throwing in extra money to essentially subsidize their drink purchases.
I don't want to be the guy who says here is my share, you doubled the price of yours with drinks.
Maybe that's the blunt way to say it? Any ideas to get my point across with being left out of the next boy's night out?

Dave

[NewtonMP2100]

.....there is always one in the group that eats/drinks more than their share.....if you are very close friends and it doesn't matter, let it go....

....if it bothers you, keep cash on hand when you go out (keep a lot of singles) and just leave your share [ w/tip ] on the table when it comes time to pay......

....some times there is one in the group that will help to calculate to the last cents what eachtperson owes but that person doesn't always exist......

[Onamuji]

I have an app on my cell phone that cleverly splits a check fairly down to % of tax and tip.

I use it for fun sometimes. Never when dining out.

I inevitably chip in for more than I have consumed when we split the check.

And I do so gladly.

I earn enough money that it's not harmful to me and life is better when you don't worry over a few bucks here and there. Especially among friends.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

[Pam]

I never had qualms about figuring out my part of the bill and just chipping in that much. Rounding up as needed. My friends would point out inequities, not take advantage.

[hal]

Wear a T-shirt that says, "I'm not drinking, so I'm going to pay less", that way, you don't have to bring it up...

[bobinmurphy]

If they're really friends they shouldn't want to take advantage of you in the situation, but they may not realize what they're doing. Why not just speak up and tell them you'd prefer paying your own bill since you didn't drink? If they're real friends they won't be offended and they'll remember to be fair in splitting checks in the future. If they're offended, well time for new friends or at least different activities with these "friends".

[Bimwad]

Are they truly your friends, "friends," or just acquaintances?

If they're truly your friends, then it's something you should probably accept, and chalk up to overall cost of an enjoyable outing.

If not, and you feel slighted, then make your menu selections based on whatever leaves you feeling less "cheated."

Every group has its way of handling this kind of thing. Some just divide the check, some do an individual accounting. If you want to help steer the conversation, then assume command of the check when it comes and subtly nudge it in the direction.

Ultimately, you could choose to see different people, or not to go at all, and save even more money.

Do you value the companionship, or the money?

[bik]

Who determined or proposed the "split it four ways" plan?

When I go out with friends, unless someone has specifically offered to take everybody out, we kind of naturally end up figuring it out so that everybody pays their fair share.

Sometimes, depending on who's there, someone will take charge of the situation, receiving the check and letting everybody know what they owe.

Otherwise, the check seems to naturally work its way around the table so everyone can see it and work out what they owe.

###

I wouldn't be so blunt as to say something judgmental about them doubling their order with drinks.

But if someone is specifically saying something like, "hey, it's $100 with tip – everybody kick in $25," I would simply say to that person, "I didn't have that much tonight. Could I see the check?"

[Lizabeth]

Separate checks is the only way to solve this...

Family story: my uncle is notorious for ordering expensive entrees and drinks and suggest splitting the check when it comes. Once was enough for my Dad, after that it was separate checks.

[wurm]

Technology is far enough advanced that usually the waitperson has no problem if you ask for separate checks. But do so at the beginning of the meal.