When "friends" split a check, advice needed on getting them to fair share

[datbeme]

Lots of great stuff here, but I'll go with the one that said to just communicate to the server that you want separate checks from the get go. Unless you have a table of 19 people, it's not that hard, and it will save you from having to get into this with your friends/acquaintances/whomever when the bill comes.

I don't really sweat this stuff anymore, but it does bother me a little on occasion. It's not just the alcohol (I do drink), but sometimes the entrees/appetizers vary wildly in price. Usually, I feel like I've ordered less than others, but I'm even more uncomfortable when I've ordered more...or I fear that it looks that way. Sometimes it will irritate me for a couple minutes, but unless someone is taking advantage, I just go along with it and move on with my life.

I know a guy (an older friend of the family) who explained how he'd be out all night and then point out at the end of the evening that he just had coffee. Somehow, this is something I'll always remember about him, and I'm sure his "friends" will too.

[pRICE cUBE]

Separate checks makes for good friends IMHO.

I have never understood the whole spilt a check concept. I have been with a group that I was not friends with, just work related people in various departments that had a meal after a football game was played. No announcement was made that the bill would be split. I was not particularly impressed with the food from prior dining. At the end I was expected to split a bill and all I got was a lousy bowl of chili for $5 while everyone else got $15-20 meals with pitchers of beer. I don't drink alcohol so I offered to pay for my chili but I could tell the group was not liking it. Rather than risk workplace fallout, I paid the share and I have skipped the post game get together if a certain ringleader who usually suggests the idea is present.

[Michael]

We have a similar thing happen when a group goes out after church, but with us it's families. There are several families with multiple children and a couple of us who are just couples. At the end of the first time that we joined the group, somebody said we just split the check. That first time we payed an extra $20 over what we ate and I grumbled but my dear wife pointed out that these are friends and they are worth an extra $20. She was right. But, I also now do go ahead and get a more sumptuous meal than I normally would and just try not to worry about it.

[Ombligo]

Separate checks. I broke that last night with a friend and it bothers me. He picked up the whole tab and refused my offers to split. I just felt (and still feel) uncomfortable. My personality quirk is I don't like receiving gifts, this fell in that area.

And yeah, I'll try to get it next year when we see each other again.

[Onamuji]

Ombligo wrote:
Separate checks. I broke that last night with a friend and it bothers me. He picked up the whole tab and refused my offers to split. I just felt (and still feel) uncomfortable. My personality quirk is I don't like receiving gifts, this fell in that area.

And yeah, I'll try to get it next year when we see each other again.

I have a friend who visits once a year. We haven't discussed it, but worked it out that we alternate picking up the check.

[NewtonMP2100]

......what happens when pants are split.....??

[August West]

If such a situation bothers anyone, either speak up (I wouldn't bother), or don't put yourself in the situation. Do something else with your friends.

[pRICE cUBE]

August West wrote:
If such a situation bothers anyone, either speak up (I wouldn't bother), or don't put yourself in the situation. Do something else with your friends.

Friends are one thing, loosely associated random coworkers are another.

[3d]

pRICE cUBE wrote:
[quote=August West]
If such a situation bothers anyone, either speak up (I wouldn't bother), or don't put yourself in the situation. Do something else with your friends.

Friends are one thing, loosely associated random coworkers are another.
I see my coworkers for 7 hours a day during the week. I see them more than I see my wife and kids during the week. Why in the world would I want to eat lunch or hang out after work with them even more?!! No thanks.

[rjmacs]

I generally put in what I owe plus tax plus tip plus a couple extra bucks, and if/when the check comes up short, ask that we review it as a group. When I reveal my contribution (I neither drink alcohol nor eat meat), I just look at the group and say, "I had the grilled cheese and diet coke, so I put in $15, which covers my food, tax, and tip plus a couple extra bucks. I can add more, though, if we're still short."

I haven't ever had anyone look me square in the face and say, "Yeah, rj - you should pay more."

I'm all for being overgenerous when it comes to sharing costs, but that doesn't mean being (intentionally or accidentally) abused when the bill comes.