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Janit,
I just saw your post. A Medical Power of Attorney gives a another party, at the choosing of the person who is signing the medical POA (the first party), the right and power to act as the proxy for them in the event that they are either temporarily or permanently incapacitated. It only is in effect while the individual is incapacitated, and does not give the chosen person the ability to do anything unless and until that event happens. I hold one for my mom. If Mom decides to tear it up and go without one or assign someone else to it, then I am legally obligated to accept her decision. She can change it at any time.
So, does Mavis have one, and who holds it if she does? If it was ever drawn up, Mavis should have a copy of it at the house. And yes, it would go a very long way to protect her from her daughter.
Janit wrote:
[quote=GeneL]
Wow, Markintosh!
I just would be so happy if a story like yours could motivate Mavis.
Unfortunately, at any mention of some kind of action, Mavis becomes hysterical. She is just so fearful of her daughter.
Do you know anything about the details of the trust? Are there papers in the house about the trust? Does Mavis have a medical Proxy? Would she be willing to make you medical proxy? If she does, that would go a long way to protect her from her daughter.
You need to be calm when you talk to her about this -- very difficult, I know, given your own situation, but arguing will just upset her more. Reach into yourself for calmness, and for your most logical and kind self.
Recalibrate and start small. Better to say to her she is right to worry about what her daughter will do. That's why it's a good idea to talk to a lawyer just to get information to understand the situation. She doesn't need to tell her daughter she is talking to a lawyer. After talking to a lawyer, it will become more clear what is the wisest way to address her daughter's behavior. She is not required to take the lawyer's advice, but she can listen and then decide for herself.
You need to push without pushing.
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"I am trying to understand what legal right the daughter has to demand her mother disallow Gene from living there?"
You forgot (or simply don't understand) that the "Left Coast" is the land of MANY fruits & nuts. Up is down and down is sideways. The government knows what's best for everybody (but themselves, of course) and, "common sense" ceased being common a long time ago. It appears that Mavis' daughter is not above lying and, cajoling others to aid and abet her in her attempts to gain control over mommy's money. I expect that the daughter is VERY proficient at appearing to be a caring daughter. As I've already said, Mavis NEEDS a lawyer who is working for HER. Until that happens, I expect GeneL (and those here who care about what happens to him) will keep spinning wheels until Mavis takes POSITIVE action to wrest control of her life away from what we all suspect is a diabolical daughter. Keep in mind; NONE of us here have "boots on the ground" in this matter. There IS a possibility that the daughter might not be the money grubbing relative most of us suspect she is (but, I do think that is not the case here).
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testcase wrote:
"I am trying to understand what legal right the daughter has to demand her mother disallow Gene from living there?"
You forgot (or simply don't understand) that the "Left Coast" is the land of MANY fruits & nuts. Up is down and down is sideways. The government knows what's best for everybody (but themselves, of course) and, "common sense" ceased being common a long time ago. It appears that Mavis' daughter is not above lying and, cajoling others to aid and abet her in her attempts to gain control over mommy's money. I expect that the daughter is VERY proficient at appearing to be a caring daughter. As I've already said, Mavis NEEDS a lawyer who is working for HER. Until that happens, I expect GeneL (and those here who care about what happens to him) will keep spinning wheels until Mavis takes POSITIVE action to wrest control of her life away from what we all suspect is a diabolical daughter. Keep in mind; NONE of us here have "boots on the ground" in this matter. There IS a possibility that the daughter might not be the money grubbing relative most of us suspect she is (but, I do think that is not the case here).
1) Lack of legal standing rarely prevents emotional bullies from trying to manipulate people who are frightened of them. This is why there are lawyers.
2) The Left Coast has nothing to do with this. It happens everywhere.
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Gosh Gene, it sure sounds like Mavis’ daughter is committing elder abuse. That is against the law!
Elder Law advice, lawyer, social worker, law officer, something… Wish I had better answers.
What is separated husband’s status? Has daughter had him declared incompetent?
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Of the several friends I've had who separated and never divorced, two of them had to make the decision to "pull the plug" on their husbands because they were still married to them. Elderly people should not be married if their lives are totally separate. If anything happens to Mavis, you will have to stand by helplessly while her husband makes the important decisions. And vice versa. Both of my friends said had they realized this was going to happen, they would have divorced long before.
Maybe you and Mavis should have a private conversation about what exactly she plans to do about the fact that she is not immortal.
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wave rider wrote:
Gosh Gene, it sure sounds like Mavis’ daughter is committing elder abuse. That is against the law!
Elder Law advice, lawyer, social worker, law officer, something… Wish I had better answers.
What is separated husband’s status? Has daughter had him declared incompetent?
If it bleeds, it leads. If not, pretty much no story out here. Investigator comes out, if no blood, major bruises, or apparent life-threatening injuries, nothing gets done. Bullying it seems, is condoned, until it gets physical. You need some major league advocacy in these parts to get any sort of help. Gene & Mavis both need some major league advocacy. Getting a competent lawyer is likely a good start. Until competent advocacy is in place, it's nothing but a giant circle jerk, with the biggest bully (Mavis' daughter) the odds on favorite to win.
==
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I'm intrigued (and upset) reading this thread. I'm on the opposite coast, but I know that here in MA, there are numerous resources that could be put to use. I can't imagine it's that different in CA. I know many people here have suggested similar things, but I just wanted to add some info. I'd start with with the California AG's office.
http://www.cdss.ca.gov/inforesources/County-APS-Offices
https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=california+attorney+gen+eral%27s+office+of+elder+affairs
Good luck.
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Janit wrote:
[quote=testcase]
"I am trying to understand what legal right the daughter has to demand her mother disallow Gene from living there?"
You forgot (or simply don't understand) that the "Left Coast" is the land of MANY fruits & nuts. Up is down and down is sideways. The government knows what's best for everybody (but themselves, of course) and, "common sense" ceased being common a long time ago. It appears that Mavis' daughter is not above lying and, cajoling others to aid and abet her in her attempts to gain control over mommy's money. I expect that the daughter is VERY proficient at appearing to be a caring daughter. As I've already said, Mavis NEEDS a lawyer who is working for HER. Until that happens, I expect GeneL (and those here who care about what happens to him) will keep spinning wheels until Mavis takes POSITIVE action to wrest control of her life away from what we all suspect is a diabolical daughter. Keep in mind; NONE of us here have "boots on the ground" in this matter. There IS a possibility that the daughter might not be the money grubbing relative most of us suspect she is (but, I do think that is not the case here).
1) Lack of legal standing rarely prevents emotional bullies from trying to manipulate people who are frightened of them. This is why there are lawyers.
2) The Left Coast has nothing to do with this. It happens everywhere.
Thank you.
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She is “allowed” to do anything she pleases.
The way I understand it, if she lets him come back and live there, she loses the rights to see her grandchildren and it appears there are further threats.
if you ask a lawyer, sure she is "allowed" to do anything she pleases.
if you ask GeneL, or her, or her daughter, she is not really allowed to do anything she pleases.
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space-time wrote:
She is “allowed” to do anything she pleases.
The way I understand it, if she lets him come back and live there, she loses the rights to see her grandchildren and it appears there are further threats.
if you ask a lawyer, sure she is "allowed" to do anything she pleases.
if you ask GeneL, or her, or her daughter, she is not really allowed to do anything she pleases.
The weird thing to me is that Mavis’s grandchildren are adults with kids of their own. How does the daughter have control over who her adult children see?
There must be so much more to this than we can ever know.
Hopefully things work out or work out well enough.
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