Question for parents: does yelling at your little kid to 'stop whining' actually work

[hal]

A neighbor that lives on the same property as me is freakin' crazy. The guy that originally rented the place is cool. He moved in with his 30yo son and then the son hitched up with crazy girl and they started having babies. There are now 5 human living in this tiny 1bed,1bath house.

I've clashed with her in the past and had to withstand an hour of her screaming at me while threatening any property of mine she could think of and bodily threatened to have her bother, her husband, her cousin to come and kick my ass. When she gets really riles up, she just lies like crazy. Claims ownership of stuff that clearly isn't hers, claims that I've done things that she knows damned well I did not etc... I know nothing will come of these threats.

And she is absolutely nuts. I was out in the parking area working on my trailer today and could hear her screaming at one of the kids all day. 

I hear screamed orders (I can never hear the child's response). One after another. One day it was about not writing words in a coloring book - use your journal if you want to write words. Literally screaming these orders. Then I heard something like, stop saying 'ok' every thing I tell you to do something!!!

It goes like this:

screamed order
I assume the kids says 'ok', but I hear nothing - just a pause
another screamed order
pause
screamed order
pause
screamed order
pause
stop saying 'ok' every thing I tell you to do something!!!

WTF??!!

And then today... "STOP WHINING"
Kid cries, "I SAID STOP WHINING!" "RIGHT NOW"

this went on for over an hour

In the past the police have been called many times by several different neighbors - disturbing peace, domestic disturbance... but nothing ever comes of it.

The good news is that recently, she went WAY too far and got her father inlaw to do bidding for her - he is almost catatonic after living with a woman screaming at him for years. She insisted that he move his truck from THEIR parking area to ours claiming that it was her space to with as she pleased. It isn't. My downstairs neighbor called the property owner - this is a guy letting us all stay here for WELL UNDER market rents. As long as we take care of the place and don't bother him - he's cool.

I guess he called the house and told them to cut it out OR ELSE. Or else is a death sentence. These people have very little money and very little marketable skills. They can't afford to lose this house.

So she isn't bothering us directly anymore (which is REALLY GOOD), but she still terrorizes the people she lives with and I can hear all of it and feel so hopeless. The older kid is a real sweetheart, but I wonder how long she can remain sweet under this oppression. After a day like this when I can hear her terrorizing the kids, I wish I could do something to help, but all I can do is walk away.

One last note: some time ago when she and I were going at it in the parking area - she literally foaming at the mouth from the nonstop screaming trots out her 4yo girl and tells the girl to tell me to "leave our fucking family alone" 

go on, say it: leave our fucking family alone

little tiny voice, [i]leave our fucking family alone[/i]

She knows I won't continue a fight like this in front of one of her kids even though it doesn't stop her...

ok - that was a long rant - sorry for anyone that made it to the end. No really looking for advice, though I'll listen. There just isn't anything that can be done.

[Numo2]

Oh, those poor, poor children. What's mom is doing is child abuse, pure and simple. You may be able to report her (depending on where you live, I suppose).

[special]

Screaming at the kids only makes things worse and usually results in long term problems.

[SrBigStuff]

Oh, those poor, poor children. What's mom is doing is child abuse, pure and simple. You may be able to report her (depending on where you live, I suppose).

For sure and now the kids think that is how kids are raised.

[special]

Filming her yelling at the kids may help if you report her.
But I am not sure about the local rules, you said the same property but is this considered private space or shared space? I am not a lawyer.

[hal]

Oh, those poor, poor children. What's mom is doing is child abuse, pure and simple. You may be able to report her (depending on where you live, I suppose).

i KNOW it's abuse, but it's not illegal to scream at your kids. Try calling the police to say that there is someone yelling at their children. You will get nowhere. I've asked the cops that do come if there is anything I can do - their olnyu suggestion was a program where if enough people call about a household, the police might begin to put pressure on the PROPERTY OWNER to get rid of those people. The last thing anyone wants to do is to create problems for the property owner. He doesn't need the trouble. He inherited this place from his bother a couple of years ago. He's quite wealthy - the last thing he needs is a headache from this place.

---

Filming her yelling at the kids may help if you report her.
But I am not sure about the local rules, you said the same property but is this considered private space or shared space? I am not a lawyer.

yeah, that might help, but in order to get close enough to hear, I'll be close enough to be seen and I don't want to spend another entire day dealing with her yelling at me again. I'll give you her address - you can come and do the filming :-)

[chopper]

A neighbor that lives on the same property as me is freakin' crazy. The guy that originally rented the place is cool. He moved in with his 30yo son and then the son hitched up with crazy girl and they started having babies. There are now 5 human living in this tiny 1bed,1bath house.

I've clashed with her in the past and had to withstand an hour of her screaming at me while threatening any property of mine she could think of and bodily threatened to have her bother, her husband, her cousin to come and kick my ass. When she gets really riles up, she just lies like crazy. Claims ownership of stuff that clearly isn't hers, claims that I've done things that she knows damned well I did not etc... I know nothing will come of these threats.

And she is absolutely nuts. I was out in the parking area working on my trailer today and could hear her screaming at one of the kids all day. 

I hear screamed orders (I can never hear the child's response). One after another. One day it was about not writing words in a coloring book - use your journal if you want to write words. Literally screaming these orders. Then I heard something like, stop saying 'ok' every thing I tell you to do something!!!

It goes like this:

screamed order
I assume the kids says 'ok', but I hear nothing - just a pause
another screamed order
pause
screamed order
pause
screamed order
pause
stop saying 'ok' every thing I tell you to do something!!!

WTF??!!

And then today... "STOP WHINING"
Kid cries, "I SAID STOP WHINING!" "RIGHT NOW"

this went on for over an hour

In the past the police have been called many times by several different neighbors - disturbing peace, domestic disturbance... but nothing ever comes of it.

The good news is that recently, she went WAY too far and got her father inlaw to do bidding for her - he is almost catatonic after living with a woman screaming at him for years. She insisted that he move his truck from THEIR parking area to ours claiming that it was her space to with as she pleased. It isn't. My downstairs neighbor called the property owner - this is a guy letting us all stay here for WELL UNDER market rents. As long as we take care of the place and don't bother him - he's cool.

I guess he called the house and told them to cut it out OR ELSE. Or else is a death sentence. These people have very little money and very little marketable skills. They can't afford to lose this house.

So she isn't bothering us directly anymore (which is REALLY GOOD), but she still terrorizes the people she lives with and I can hear all of it and feel so hopeless. The older kid is a real sweetheart, but I wonder how long she can remain sweet under this oppression. After a day like this when I can hear her terrorizing the kids, I wish I could do something to help, but all I can do is walk away.

One last note: some time ago when she and I were going at it in the parking area - she literally foaming at the mouth from the nonstop screaming trots out her 4yo girl and tells the girl to tell me to "leave our fucking family alone" 

go on, say it: leave our fucking family alone

little tiny voice, [i]leave our fucking family alone[/i]

She knows I won't continue a fight like this in front of one of her kids even though it doesn't stop her...

ok - that was a long rant - sorry for anyone that made it to the end. No really looking for advice, though I'll listen. There just isn't anything that can be done.

Calling child protective services?

[Harbourmaster]

You need to report her to the Department of Social Services for child abuse... and keep doing it until someone comes out to make a welfare check on those little ones.

Who knows what else is going on inside those walls! DSS will call the police if they think there is a real need.