I need some advice regarding talking to someone about their divorce

[space-time]

wife's cousin got divorced about 3 months ago and didn't tell anyone a few days ago. her husband was an alcoholic and they decided to split. the divorce was quite plain and simple, no drama, no lawyers, no disputes.

Now wife asked me what to write to her cousin, or maybe to call her but she's not sure of what to say.

In my opinion I told her she should not even write nor call her cousin, the fact that she wanted to hide the divorce from her family means she's not willing to talk about it. but my wife insists that it would be nice to call or write to her cousin. I asked her why, she says that's how women are. maybe. As I guy, I told her to not bother, to me it looks like her cousin does not feel comfortable talking about the divorce.

So what would you do if you were facing a similar situation? would you contact the relative in your family to offer some nice words, and what would you say? or just avoid the topic?

[clay]

really depends on her relationship with her cousin before the divorce. Did they ever communicate previously? I think it would be appropriate to continue communication in a similar vein to whatever was previously done.

[space-time]

They were close when they grew up, but they din't talk much lately, usually just greetings around holidays and birthdays. AFAIK no phone calls or emails without a special occasion.

[Lemon Drop]

space-time wrote:
They were close when they grew up, but they din't talk much lately, usually just greetings around holidays and birthdays. AFAIK no phone calls or emails without a special occasion.

in that case too much attention now might feel gossipy, so a simple "Thinking of you, so sorry to hear about your divorce, hope you are doing OK. Please let me know if you'd ever like to talk. "

something like that?

[Bo]

Life's too short to play games. She should call her up and offer some kind words of support.

[Filliam H. Muffman]

If there is a history of previous letters from your wife to the cousin, she should write something similar. Just add a line near the end something like 'If you want to talk about the divorce, don't be afraid to call or write about it. I will keep everything confidential.'

[dmann]

FWIW, I'm a female so my perspective is coming from there. I'd offer a simple: I am sorry to hear about your divorce and understand if it is something you'd rather not discuss. Please know that I am here for you. IF you want to talk or vent or just have someone keep you company, I'm happy to help.

DM

[August West]

With dmann and Bo

[Ombligo]

If nothing else you are letting her know the secret is out. That lets her be prepared for the family who aren't so considerate.

[OWC Jamie]

She should absolutely call.
Even offer a night out or a get together just the two of them .

The cousin could very easily be out partying with friends and just as easily trying to come to terms with things.

She shouldn't be hesitating calling and saying hi at all.