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I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s about as far as I remember.
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Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
“Which part did you get?”
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I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large patrons came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two visiting from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s about as far as I remember.
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Posts: 14,987
Threads: 1,340
Joined: May 2025
A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
The bartender asked him if he knew he had a steering wheel stuck in his pants.
"Aargh", said the pirate, "its driving me nuts".
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An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:
“Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family.”
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Three people applying for the same job @ Wells-Fargo Bank.
One is a mathematician, one a statistician, and one an accountant.
The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician.
They say "we have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?"
The mathematician, without hesitation, says "1000".
Next the statistician comes in, they ask the same question.
The statistician ponders the question for a moment, and then answers "1000... I'm 95% confident."
The accountant enters the room, he is asked the same question: "what is 500 plus 500?"
Without thinking he replies, "what would you like it to be?"
You're hired!
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MrNoBody,
I really like your tag picture - never noticed you labeled the Tesla and Edison portraits before!
Great job
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A simple test will determine your favorite movie.
- Pick ANY number from 1 to 9.
- Multiply it by 3.
- Add 3 to the result.
- Multiply that result by 3.
- Add the two digits together. (e.g. 42: 4+2 = 6)
The resulting number determines your favorite movie from the list below...
[spoiler=Your FAVORITE Movie!]
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. Plan 9 from Outer Space
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story
[/spoiler]
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This forum sure has poor taste in movies!
[spoiler=Siskel & Ebert we're not!]
1 * 3 + 3 * 3 = 18 ---> 9
2 * 3 + 3 * 3 = 27 ---> 9
3 * 3 + 3 * 3 = 36 ---> 9
4 * 3 + 3 * 3 = 45 ---> 9
5 * 3 + 3 * 3 = 54 ---> 9
6 * 3 + 3 * 3 = 63 ---> 9
7 * 3 + 3 * 3 = 72 ---> 9
8 * 3 + 3 * 3 = 81 ---> 9
9 * 3 + 3 * 3 = 90 ---> 9
[/spoiler]
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I got "Jaws." Math was never my strong subject.
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