I need some advice regarding talking to someone about their divorce

[space-time]

thanks boys and girls!

[Jack D.]

I'd tell her that if there's anything she needs to know about fishin' or hockey then by all means, please feel free to ask. After all, as a man, you are there if she needs you.

[cbelt3]

I think the ladies have covered it. Simple expression of concern, affection, and open arms are sufficient. She will know she is loved by her family.

[Janit]

dmann wrote:
FWIW, I'm a female so my perspective is coming from there. I'd offer a simple: I am sorry to hear about your divorce and understand if it is something you'd rather not discuss. Please know that I am here for you. IF you want to talk or vent or just have someone keep you company, I'm happy to help.

DM

Ditto. The trick is to express concern in a way that shows respect for the cousin's wishes. The challenge comes from not being sure what those wishes are, hence the open-ended and non-judgmental approach. It may be easier to send such a note than to call -- the note can be carefully phrased and edited. Phone conversations are harder to control. Save the phone call for the follow-up.

[space-time]

Janit wrote:
[quote=dmann]
FWIW, I'm a female so my perspective is coming from there. I'd offer a simple: I am sorry to hear about your divorce and understand if it is something you'd rather not discuss. Please know that I am here for you. IF you want to talk or vent or just have someone keep you company, I'm happy to help.

DM

Ditto. The trick is to express concern in a way that shows respect for the cousin's wishes. The challenge comes from not being sure what those wishes are, hence the open-ended and non-judgmental approach. It may be easier to send such a note than to call -- the note can be carefully phrased and edited. Phone conversations are harder to control. Save the phone call for the follow-up.
great advice from all in this thread, thanks

[mattkime]

i'm with dmann and i have a y chromosome.

[DRR]

Some look at divorces as the end of a marriage and express sorrow. I look at them as the natural end of something that wasn't working, and gives both people the opportunity to move ahead, in the right direction, in their lives. The shame associated with divorce has to stop. It's a vestige of older mindsets and traditions and frankly, it's the last thing that those people need, is the feeling that others, especially family and friends, are judging them.

Saying "I'm sorry for your divorce" only makes people feel like failures.

So I'd say congratulations on your divorce, I know the last few years have been difficult but I'm proud that you were able to get yourself to a point where you're starting a new chapter in your life, and if you need any help and/or support along the way make sure you know that we'll be the first in line if need.

Just my opinion. It may not be a popular one but I've had a lot of friends go through divorce and none of them have been offended by my counsel or perspective.

[deckeda]

I think DRR nailed it. Divorce is a tragedy on one level but a triumph on another. Overall, it can be more complex than marriage or simpler ... so assuming things or summing up isn't going to happen so easily.

That said, one party usually brings the divorce and the other didn't want it, at least initially? so naturally that impacts the perspective of whichever side you're talking to.

[space-time]

DRR nailed it indeed. I will point wife to this thread and let her make the decision if and what to tell/write to her cousin.