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In my experience, nine is too old for timeouts. I haven't done them with my 9yolds for a couple years. When they were younger one probably had enough to count on one hand total, the other had some days where you ran out of fngers for that day. At the age they are now, finding something immediate is crucial. Take something away for a predetermined time with either one or zero warnings. Santa brought an iPad for the family this year. They're learning really quickly to take turns or they all lose it for a while. That's just my example.
The challenge is finding something to take away that is impactful. Once you find it, exploit the hell out of it.
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Two books that might be helpful are "Perfect Parenting and other Myths" by Frank Main and for a child that tends to be more oppositional-defiant the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Green is very good. Do keep in mind that all behavior serves a need of the child. Whether that is to obtain something (e.g., attention, a desired activity or object, etc.) or to avoid something (a stressful situation, a difficult task, etc.). The child's need is there. The goal should be for the child to use a more socially appropriate way to get that need met. A person may provide negative consequences for inappropriate behavior, but it is much, much more important to provide clear expectations/ clearly stated desired behavior and to provide acknowledgement /praise when the child demonstrates that desired behavior.
As stated by several MRF members. Consistency is critically important.
Good Luck!
Dave
...on the trailing edge of technology.
