Advice, please: Thinking about having 18 year-id niece Iive with us.

[OWC Jamie]

Note to self: think long and hard about taking in any kids with the odd habit of beating their chest outside the front door .

[Speedy]

We had our never-married, pregnant niece ask to live with us until she could deliver her fourth child. We declined.

[PeterB]

Dennis S wrote:
My parents took in my mom's brother, who is 4 years older than me, when I was in junior high. They already had 4 kids in the house. He had flunked 2 years of school in Dallas. We were in a small town in Arkansas. He finished 3 grades here and went on to get two degrees and is a huge success. It was great for all of us.

Great stories like this are probably why Mr. and Mrs. Anonymouse are considering doing what they are.

And I was quite serious about the contract. If it's in writing, it's legally binding! So you can include clauses about things like what the consequences are if she misbehaves, refuses to leave, etc.

[richorlin]

What do her parents have to say about this arrangement?
You are okay legally with this unless you are in Delaware, Mississipi or Nebraska, where the age of maority is 19, 21 and 19.

[MikeF]

We have the son of some friends staying with us now (he was friends with our son through elementary school and beyond). A contract is a good thing -- spell out exactly what you expect. There are things you need to think about -- like times for doing laundry (not middle of the night); kitchen privileges (no cooking in the middle of the night); fridge space allocation; having people over (once again, not in the middle of the night).

A real question ends up being -- are you to be their parent or are they a boarder at your place. That will dictate what rules will be necessary... Good luck.

[sekker]

Just want to add my best wishes - this will be an adventure for sure.

I think PeterB's suggestions look good to me.

I suspect if you make it past the first 3 months, all will be well!

Good luck!

[bfd]

The main hassle will be that you're not her parents, so rule-making and house rules need to be established up front. She's 18, not 21, so you'll need to lay down the law about your expectations for partying behavior and curfew adherence. Those are tough ones for that age group. You can do some negotiating on the rules BEFORE you agree to them. The contract is also a nice idea - and it's not as artificial as it sounds. Since you aren't her parents, you should have some assurance that she'll be a good housemate.

With any luck, she's a good kid who's just looking for a safer place to live right now, and it sounds like she's found it.

That's what families are for…

[Racer X]

"She's 18, not 21, so you'll need to lay down the law about your expectations for partying behavior and curfew adherence."

Very true. However, since she is 18, it is your choice. You can set up ground rules and expectations, and if it becomes a major problem, she is gone.

Before she is 18, she has rights as a minor. After she is 18, she has privileges and responsibilities. Period.

My step-son had some serious issues with following my ground-rules. When he hit 18, I made it perfectly clear that with his poor attitude, all he had was my good graces. If he was unhappy, he had the right to leave whenever he wanted. However, I was never obligated to do a thing for him either. You put nothing into the family, why should expect to get anything from us? He moved out.



It really sounds like she wants and needs your love and guidance. That bodes well. I really think she respects your family, from the sound of it. That's a GREAT place to start.

[RgrF]

All the rulemaking fades if she blends and becomes family. At her age she may need and want the acceptance that family, however removed, affords. 18 is a legal construct so not all 18 year olds are the same, some could emotionally be 13 or 14 while others could be functioning adults. Not many 18 year olds are functioning adults, most in the circumstances you described, are frightened children.

If you look at her as a frightened child, you might make her feel more welcome. If you see her as an adult, maybe not. Either way, she's fortunate to have you to turn to.

[macphanatic]

You might want to speak with your insurance agent as there could be some insurance implications. You might need to report her as a driver on your vehicles if she has a license and is living in your house. There may be liability issues as well.