For those with inquiring minds: I survived the date

[WHiiP]

There is still no reason for a lack of manners, knowing the major social graces. If a man hasn't accomplished that then he is not very "accomplished." Women do notice those things and are "most" appreciative . . .

[Baby Tats]

wurm and schmani have it right. This isn't about gender roles. It is about showing courtesy to another human. Some people do it, others don't. A date is about compatibility and dmann was looking for someone who shared the same sensibilites as she. No match there, that's all.

I hold doors all the time for people. It is pretty funny sometimes to do it just to see different people's reactions. I do it now as a study in human behavior and interaction. Amazing how something as simple as holding a door open for people can elicit such a wide range of social and emotional responses. Everything from the "simple thanks" to "the hurry up jog" to "the grunt" to the "I got it" to "the warm smile" to "the look away" to the "thanks man" and many others I have come to expect. It varies by race, gender, age, and my estimation of socioeconomic status. Having done this for a while I have gotten better at stereotyping people; but of course, I get surprised all the time.

BT

[ATT]

Congrats. Now that you have the first one out of the way, you can move on to the next one! At this point, just getting back in the dating scene is a big step.

Sounds like you have a really attitude, just have fun, enjoy meeting people. You'll know if you really click with someone the more people you go out with.

[PeterB]

Public apology:

To dmann and anybody else reading this-- I meant no offense by any of my comments, and I apologize if anybody took offense to anything. (And sorry for the thread hijack too.)

I'll be off in my little corner now...

P.S. ... I guess I'll be female-less forever. Oh well... that's life, I guess.

[decocritter]

Who are we asking next? ;-)

I suggest a coffee shop, music venue or Museum for a first date. I think dinner is formal (with all of things you mentioned). The conversation and food better be good. I enjoy dining when I am totally relaxed. I am not relaxed on first dates. I will admit a like a series of things to do, so if it is a disaster I can end with coffee.

But I will say, one my best first dates was with a gorgeous Lawyer who called and said, "Wear Jeans because we are going to a great barbecue place with unbelievable ribs." I thought oh no! But it was great. Sort of took the edge off. Then we went to a LL Bean type store and he bought a red plaid Pendleton wool scarf for me and a blue one for his sister. I dated him for about a year. I still wear the scarf (twenty years old and classic).

Good Manners are a wonderful thing. Sometimes when a perfect stranger holds the door it brightens your day. I like to return the favor, especially for a guy.

[joycee]

Yay, d! Glad to hear you've dipped your toe back into the pool - and survived!

schmani and Baby Tats already said it very well - I don't see your expectations of attention and courtesy as "princess behavior" at all. You would have preferred a date with someone who showed you the same level of consideration as you yourself showed - no biggie, not too much to ask, just a personal preference.

For the record, the things you mentioned are things I too would definitely have noticed and preferred. But unlike you, I'm not denying the princess title...

[Sam3]

Interesting.. I was raised conservatively where manners were important. Not to the point of the level of manners that need to be exhibited as royalty or heads of state, just the basics. I think that having manners is simply being considerate of the other.

My best friend was very impressed that I did things like open doors for her. My wife, as well, when we started dating, liked that I did nice things, she remarked that it was quite considerate.